pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Please don't give away my fajitas
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
