Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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