tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
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I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
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There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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