I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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