did you get engaged???
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
