There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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