It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize