how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
