Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
