my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
