i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
