Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
