I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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