I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
