They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize