He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
