textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
