If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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