I bet he comes in French.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
