I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
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Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
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Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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