my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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