areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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