then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
