Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Small penises have feelings too.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
