i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
