my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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