i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
