dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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