My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
