Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the day after is always just damage control
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
