It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
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a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
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Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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