I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
