Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
