she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
