i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
