dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
