You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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