I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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