The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
