I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
