You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
