shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
