I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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