Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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