But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
