My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
