Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
