I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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