Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I need moral support for this bender
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
