Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Quick, to the slutcave!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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