I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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