hotel room ftw
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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