this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
