He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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