I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
