You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
