i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
