Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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