just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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