I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Randomize
